Whether you do is far more important than how you do it. Reinventing and rediscovering are largely a waste. Attempting to reverse engineer all your have been exposed to is also folly. Do not spend your life trying to "figure it all out" yourself, something I have tried to do because of ego. The sense of pride that may result from teaching oneself and ignoring history pales in comparison to the time that could have been spent performing. Do not allow disputes over method create inaction. I will explain why, until very recently I thought it shameful to rely on what history had established, assuming instead that I alone was capable of explicating all concepts. I believed in the original notion, the first time our species understood a non-evident method or principle that would establish reproducible techniques for accomplishing higher functions. It takes little imagination at all to imagine how the hammer, the aqueduct, or the wheel were invented; I can formulate many scenarios for the natural predecessors that would have inspired our forebears. A rock tumbling down a hill or a log rolling could have led to the wheel; primitive smashing using a rock could transform into a hammer quite naturally. It was advanced technology that bewitched and tortured me, the inventions that one would not immediately produce: the piano, the microprocessor, the Marconi wireless transmitter. All of these relied on past knowledge that I ignored in my arrogance to prove myself above these parasites who could not think for themselves, who had to consume past successes rather than comprehend all on their own. The heroism of being the sole holder of methods enthralled me; it ended up ruling my actions.
Do you wonder how standards have been set? Do you feel like you are following some else's script and methods? Are you always questioning why you must learn something a particular way, being fed through a mechanism you had no part in creating? Do you think everyone is merely a consumer of previous knowledge with naught but force-fed information in their heads as they do not comprehend anything on the most fundamental level (i.e., subatomic)? Do you believe that those who set society's standards possess an objective understanding of reality while you do not?
Do not assume that great inventors and thinkers simply "knew" out of thin air. It is not magic or divine inspiration that allowed a man to walk on the moon or develop calculus. As baffling as their origins might be to the ignorant bystander, do not wonder, "how did they do that?" and compare your skill-set and intelligence to theirs. This can confine your pragmatic imagination to their methods and their knowledge instead of creating useful thinking in your own life. Ask yourself how you would undertake this task. It is ultimately insane to believe one can meditate long enough on a problem and produce all contingencies - such as knowing all the components needed for a submarine and what they do - simply because one has thought about it long enough.
I have been under this impression for most of my life, believing that the creation of any advanced technology involved a leap of logic and thinking without the assistance of our forebears. The satellite baffled me; the particle accelerator ruined my confidence; and not knowing the back-story of early successes caused me much grief. I did not want to pick up a book or do a web search to answer my questions about coding, science, and mathematics, or anything I believed my logic could uncover. Esoteric knowledge, such as a friend's previously unexpressed thought, was of course happily learned; but everything else fell into the category of something I must do myself. I assumed that there must have been some in history who did not have previous information available to them. I thought, "If they had original thoughts and discoveries without assistance it was due to a superior mind. I must rediscover all principles for myself." It was precisely this attitude that made me loathe schooling. After all, how can one enjoy school if he despises being taught anything?
But it was not the positive "can-do" attitude of an autodidact that motivated me. Jealousy and delusion were my main fuels. I assumed that success was above me, a quality that happened to others due to their innate ability to "put it all together." Puzzles, quizzes and other games of intellect were not challenges but insults to my personal crusade to use only the most basic inherited knowledge to understand everything. It was this psychological limitation that caused me to not accept teaching and instead withdraw into a shell of arrogant possibilities for the future. I encourage anyone who feels burdened by another's advancement to examine what is lacking in one's own approach to knowledge.
In reality, it doesn't matter when you learned something or how you learned it. If you want to live with your excuses because you feel it is too late to start, then prepare to live with your excuses and your failure for your entire life. You may save yourself the pain of effort and training, but in the end you have nothing. Your zeal to avoid failure that reminds you of how inadequate you are compared to these "young success stories" is a hopeless and useless road. I must repeat that you will have nothing if you choose to follow this path.
